We are loved, we are cherished

"Greater love has no on than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" John 15:13

Recently, while driving home from dinner with my daughter and Aarick, she began telling us how she was sad that she no longer saw her friends from preschool. At the age of 5 my daughter has been through a lot of change - her father and I separated when she was 2 1/2 years old, young enough not to really understand nor remember a time when we got along which may have helped her during that time. Shortly after she began splitting her time between two homes (mine and her dad's) - this was a tough transition for me too! I sold my home and moved in with my parents during a tough financial season and we all adjusted to life in a non-traditional living situation. My daughter not only had to adjust to living with her grandparents - who now were more like a second set of parents - but she also had to tolerate commuting 30-40 minutes to school every day. During this time she was also introduced to Aarick and his two boys - an adjustment that led to some meltdowns and tantrums about sharing toys and her mom. This past year we made the decision to move into a new house with Aarick and his two boys. Talk about a lot to handle - at 40, its a lot for me to handle so imagine a 5 year old! She has handled most of it with grace however on this particular Friday night she voiced, for the first time, her disappointment and longing for her friends.

She had attended the same preschool since she was 1 years old and had grown up with the same small group of friends. At graduation it was bittersweet to see her with her friends because I knew it was the last time she would really see them. And I knew that she wasn't fully aware of that just yet. Even at a young age, friendships become so important to us. They help define our self-worth and our social skills. Friends can brighten our days but also crush our hearts in the matter of minutes. As my daughter went on to tell me all about who she missed, she also went on to say that her friends hurt her feelings when they say they don't want to play with her. Even these friends she was missing - ugh, even just typing it makes me sad for her. No matter how old we are, 5 or 40, it still hurts when our friends say they don't want to play with us.

Disappointment comes in many forms in friendship - it can be someone who doesn't call during a tough time, a friend who forgets your birthday, a friend who never follows up on making plans or a friend who leaves you out of a gathering. In preschool it's easy to walk away and find another group of friends to play with because, let's face it, there are 20 children in a room all eager to play or do something. But as adults it gets more difficult. Friendship is tough - it can be a full-time job to keep in touch, make the effort, make plans, reach out, etc etc. In today's age of social media and texting, it's become easier to be a virtual friend than an actual friend. Virtual friends check in - maybe via text, maybe via Facebook messenger, or maybe through en email once or twice a year. Actual friends - those are tougher to come by. They are the friends who show up when you really need them - the ones who come out on a snowy night at midnight on new years so you won't be alone - oh wait, that's Sex in the City - but you get the point. These friends know exactly what you need even when you don't. Maybe it's just a phone call to chat or a card sent on exactly the day you needed encouragement or maybe flowers on one of the hardest days of your professional life. Whatever it is, they know what you need. These friends - they are worth their weight in gold.

God knew that when he created us that we were social beings - it's why he created Adam and Eve. He knew we needed other people to make us better. God brings us these golden friends to help us - because he knows we can't do life alone. And he lets people disappoint us at times because sometimes we need to realize who the golden ones really are. It's easy to get caught up in the idea that more is better - but I firmly believe that this isn't the case with golden friends. I have less than 5 of these jewels in my life. And i consider myself very lucky for that. It's true that I have been disappointed by friends - even recently - but when that happens, and I have to face the fact that some people just don't want to play with me, it has made those golden friends shine even brighter.

One of my goals has been to be a better friend recently. Most of my life was spent focusing on school, career, and professional advancement. That left little time for friendship along the way. I have been lucky to meet my golden friends and I have also be in-tune enough to recognize them when they came along so I knew to foster those friendships. God made sure to whisper to me to focus on these couple friendships - foster them, grow them, love them. And even though it isn't fun to find out that you aren't everyone's 'cup of tea', I am hopeful that I can help my daughter learn that if someone doesn't want to play with you that's ok - because there is probably someone else who is hoping that you want to play with them.